Words cannot express how I have been feeling about this project lately. I'm hopeful, discouraged, nervous , and eager all rolled up into one big lump, which is currently residing in the pit of my stomach. I haven't had any orphanage updates in a while, and prospective contacts keep falling through. It is not anybody's fault of course, it's just the way the hands were dealt. Recently, there was an earthquake near the area of our orphanages' country (I dare not disclose the exact locale, for the safety of those still volunteering there, and for the safety of any future contact) and it was both scary and bizarre. It felt strange to have so much anxiety over a foreign calamity, somewhere I've never even been. My heart goes out to all people experiencing tragedy, but you understand how this feels more personal, more real to me. It was scary too, to not know anything about it for a while. I felt like my eyes and ears had been removed. In a sense, they had been, I guess. Luckily, the earthquake didn't hit the area of the country where the orphanages reside. Praise God! I felt relieved to know that our kiddos were safe, and heartbroken as I wondered how many new orphans that earthquake created.
My excitement does build, however, in anticipation of the holiday season. The time of year where people give thanks and show good will towards men and sing about the hope of peace on earth. As the holidays turn people's thoughts to giving, I am praying God will ask some to give to this cause. At the same time, it means that my year is almost up. Part of me feels like we're running out of time. I would be lying if I said I'm not also eager for it to end. On New Year's Day, when I can finally take this dress off for the last time, I will definitely be singing, "Hallelujah!" If my dress had feelings, I think it would feel the same way, judging by appearances.
I don't know where I will go from there. Things won't (in fact, they can't) be for me the way they were, and they can't stay as they are now. It may seem like a small thing, even irrelevant to some. But the experience has changed me, and as the end of the year draws closer, it has got me asking some questions.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
--Philippians 4:6
"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
--2 Corinthians 9:7
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