Did you know?

The great thing about having your own blog is that it is like your personal soap box for whenever you feel like you have something you need to say.

And it just so happens that today I feel like I do.

One thing that has been on my mind a lot lately is just the emotional state in America.  Did you know that according to statistics taken in 2005, 30% of women are clinically diagnosed with depression, and 15% of men? Did you know that it is estimated that the true number of people suffering from depression is much higher, but many have never been diagnosed? And depression in children has increased by an astounding 25%. Seriously? Children?

The most developed countries have the highest rates of depression. What are these numbers telling us?
We are a people that are both too full and completely empty.

Our society is fast paced and we want what we want when we want it. There is always a pressure to attain more, surpass someone else's accomplishments. If we don't look a certain way, or drive a special car etc. the media tells us that we are incomplete.  And for most of us, there is an emptiness resounding inside that agrees, "I am not whole".

Now, if you are someone who is placing their contentment at some point in the future, (I'll be happy when...) let me tell you that you will never find it there. There are a lot of things out there that are saying, "Once you have me, you will have arrived. You will finally be happy."
Did you know that the highest suicide rates occur in the richest 1% of the population?

If you have drank from all of these wells then why are you still thirsty?

Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
  The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”  John 4:13-15

The Samaritan woman at the well did not understand what Jesus was offering her. Because we are largely physical beings, we seek to address our physical needs first. But if all of your physical needs have been met and you are still unhappy, then perhaps what you need isn't a new iphone, or a better job, or any number of other trivial things in this life that amuse us for a while, but are in the end, a novelty.  


Maybe you need Jesus.  


And if you already have accepted Jesus as your Savior, then maybe you need to let him be your Lord as well. See, those are two different things. When someone gets saved or baptized, they may pray or declare, "I accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior."  Everybody wants to be saved, but not everybody wants a Lord.  Isn't that why we usually only talk to God in our most desperate hours? "God, please help me! If You bail me out of this one, I promise I'll..."


Rick Warren wrote in his book 40 Days of Purpose "The problem with a living sacrifice is that it keeps crawling off the alter."  That's what our lives are supposed to be. A living sacrifice. We live to do the will of our Creator. But the things God requires are not usually easy or fun or safe.  That's why we try to worm our way out of it. 


I literally woke up one morning with this strong feeling on my heart, it felt like God saying, "Lindsey, remember that Uniform Project you read about a few years ago? I want you to do that. I want you to wear the same black dress for a year to raise money for orphanages."


I was astounded and, I'll admit it, more than a little reluctant. My initial response was something like, "Really, God? This is very specific. And very...odd."  As I prayed I could almost hear Him saying with a smile, "All of my best ideas are."
Now the funny thing about obeying the will of God is that, even if it sounds crazy, if you let Jesus have his way with things, you usually end up happier than you would have thought possible. There is a peace and a joy that happens when you stop trying to be your own god. 


Paul wrote in Philippians 4, "¹¹ I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.¹² I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³ I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I would bet money on Paul having led a harder life than most of us. (Ship wrecks, beatings, imprisonment). But he got it. Read those verses again. That's not the kind of assurance you can get from looking like a super model or making six figures a year or any of that stuff. That's  not even the kind of assurance you can get from having a loving spouse or family.  That is the assurance of God's perfect love. 
I couldn't be happier that I accepted my Lord's offer to let me be a part of His plan in this unique way. There have been times where I knew what God was asking me to do, and I refused. Refusal has always led to regret. 


So if you're anxious or depressed, here is your Answer. I am not trying to downplay the importance of doctors and medication for those who need it. I myself have been taking anti-depressants for the past few years. It helps a lot with the physical side effects, and regulates mood swings and such. But if you want a magic bullet, this isn't it. Medicine can be helpful, but it will only take you so far. I can tell you for a fact that if I wanted to be anxious or depressed, I still could be. Mostly, it is a choice, a conscious decision that has to be made every hour of every day to trust in the Lord. And for me, this has made all the difference.


-Lindsey

Jeans!

                                                                        It works!

                                        See? Also note Nick being oblivious to my strangeness.


Today I would like to take a moment to talk about the relationship I have with my jeans.

Up until about 81 days ago jeans and I had been having a long standing love affair. (It's ok, you guys. My husband knows. We have an open relationship.) But, along came the little black dress affair and I told jeans that maybe we should stop seeing each other for a while. My jeans hung sadly in their closet, saying that they understood. I said I hoped we could still be friends.

BUT today I had a remarkable revelation! I don't know why it took me so long to figure it out.  The straps on my dress are adjustable, but by default, I just always leave them at the same length. But if I shorten the straps all the way, it is about the length of a long shirt. And if I wear another similar long shirt over top it makes it seem more casual. Jeans and I can be together after all!

I know I haven't posted any outfit pics in a while but for this breakthrough I needed y'all to see. :)

The L.B.D. Benefit Concert

As many of you may know, my parents and their band wanted to help put on a benefit concert to help raise money for the project. It was a good idea, but I won't lie, there is always a severe anxiety I feel when tasked with planning an event, whether big or small. I don't know why. But it's the reason me and Nick's engagement only lasted for two months.  We made up flyers and sent out facebook invites.  Of course there was some rehearsing of songs that needed to take place, seeing how it has been a while since I have sung with their band. And as always, for me, there is the added tension I feel whenever I am about to become the center focus.

None of these, however, ended up being the hurdles I had imagined them to be.  I had my husband to support me and really my dad handled all of the communication with the venue. I asked God to remind me throughout that He would be the main focus, and this helped to calm my nerves more than anything.

Sometimes I think the devil wants us to feel like we're alone, that we've been tasked with Mission Impossible and somehow we just have to make it work.  This is totally untrue. We are only ever alone if we choose it. It is so important to cast our anxieties on to Jesus. He can handle it. He isn't burdened or bothered. He isn't pacing around in heaven like the anxious parent. He is sitting in His throne, completely in control.  So don't let the sum of the days/weeks/months troubles weigh down your soul because you don't need to hold on to them. You don't need to be in control. And in all reality, we aren't, not in the long run. Some people find that to be a frightening thought, but I think it's freeing.

All in all, people had a good time, and we made some money for the orphanages, which is the best part of all! So thanks to everybody who came and donated. Thanks to the V.F.W for letting us host the concert as well.

By the way, if you've been wondering why I stopped posting daily pictures of my outfits, it is simply because I have run out of outfits. Unfortunately my closet (and my imagination) can only stretch so far. So I just decided not to bore you all with repeats. But, rest assured, I am still wearing the dress. Really, since I kind of ran out of new outfits, it seems much more, uniform-esque.
If you came to the benefit concert I hope you enjoyed the music and were blessed by it. Thanks to everyone who helped make it possible. :)

-Lindsey

"I Never Stopped Holding Them"

More news from the orphanage. Please read on....








Orphanage day. Need I say more?

I almost didn't go today. Almost. A yucky tummy bug has been going around our circle of friends, and I'm pretty sure I caught it this week. Oddly enough, I didn't throw up like everyone else. My stomach just hurt like crazy- like a little gnome man was living inside my belly ripping it to shreds with his garden shovel (yes, that's how it felt.) Not to mention extreme exhaustion with a side order of inability to focus. I set my alarm last night and said to my husband, "I don't think I can go tomorrow. This is horrible." I bolted awake this morning at the sound the alarm and said to myself, "There's no way I can stay away from my precious angels. It's just a stomach ache. I can handle it."

Yes my stomach hurt all day anyway. But yet, so did my heart. Even more so in fact.

There were different workers in charge of the baby room today, so I thought maybe I could try holding the babies a bit more without them urging me to put them down. I talked with the workers for a bit, asking them questions about their lives and answering their questions about mine. I always enjoy getting to know each worker, letting them know I acknowledge their existence and value them in general!

#1. They are always shocked that I am a mother. They think I'm a teenager.
#2. They are always shocked that I have a 2 year old at home and take time to come to the orphanage.
#3. They are shocked beyond belief when I tell them my husband watches my daughter while I help with  babies there. Husbands don't do that kind of stuff here. (I probably should have also mentioned to them that  SuperDan cooked three times this week and did all the dishes as well, mostly due to my 2 "just for fun" coffee dates with friends and several other ministry appointments. Well, I don't want to make anyone jealous or anything...)

So after I established a warmness between the workers and myself, I dove right in to baby lovin'. I helped break up some "he took it from me!" fights, picked up some "oops I fell down and can't get back up" bloopers, and organized the toys across the room so that there was an even distribution amongst the little munchkins (more space, less fights). One of my friends who helps volunteer took some of the walking toddlers outside to play in the fresh air. So I nominated myself "mother bear" of the troops while she was gone, took a peek at the "on break" workers sipping their tea and chatting, then grabbed my one and only chance. I plopped Baby K on one leg and another sweet baby boy on my other leg, and I cuddled my life away. I seriously did not remove them from my embrace for what seemed like an hour. At first they were happily playing with blocks and books in my lap together and considering stealing each others' toys, but after a while they slowly entered in a relaxed state. They both reclined in my arms and hardly moved a muscle. When I turned a bit to grab another toy or help another child who bonked their head, they would both immediately start wailing. So I would hold them tightly in my embrace and assure them that I wasn't putting them down. I kissed their sweet little cheeks and started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Are You Sleeping Brother John. It was then that I realized they were soaking in their "cuddle time" knowing it was a rare occurrence. The workers don't have time to cuddle the children- the have to feed, wash, change, console, and clean up after 15 babies day after day. Even if they did have the time, it's still not going to happen, sadly.

As I entered my epiphany, I started pondering it even farther. "These sweet angels didn't even know that this is what they needed, until they got it." You know that feeling? You don't even realize how hungry or thirsty you really are until you start guzzling it down? These children are craving touch. They need it so desperately. So desperately in fact, that they started bawling the minute I even flinched a muscle. So what did I do? I cuddled, and I cuddled some more. I tried to read them books and teach them their colors in their language. But they weren't interested. Their eyes became glazed over with peacefulness and they rested their little heads on my chest and just soaked it all in. And me? Ha- I was in heaven.

The day finished as usual, preparing the food, getting the children situated for lunch, putting their bibs on, consoling the ones still waiting for their turn while watching the others eat, cleaning up the mess, picking up the toys, taking off their outer layers of clothing and getting them ready for nap time.

But today was special. I wasn't told to put my little babies down. So. I. never. stopped.

And somehow, in my mind, I'm still holding them. Or rather, I know Father is. Oh how he loves them.

The minute I came home I hugged my feisty two year old, snuggled with her, and held her until she fell asleep. Funny how the more I hold babies, the more I want to hold them, again and again and again. Honestly my daughter is my built-in therapy when I come home from the orphanage. I am all disheveled and teary-eyed when I enter our doorstep, but the minute I hold her and look into her big blue eyes I feel a warmness rushing back through my frigid blood. I can't really explain it. It's difficult to put into words. All I know is that the only thing I can do to calm myself down after the baby house is to embrace my own daughter. I wish all those babies had a mamma to call their own. Oh how I wish.

Orphanage Updates with Pictures!

I've got news from our contact on the orphanages! Pictures as well. How exciting. I know it's been a while guys.  But here it is. :)




I was finally able to visit the baby orphanage again - it's only been a few weeks but it seemed like eternity to me. My little munchkins grow up when I don't see them and I notice the little changes when I return. I feel like a surrogate mamma who applauds every step, every "first" anything, every teensy-tiny little accomplishment for these sweet angels.

Since I've been away, Baby K's hair grew an inch or so and it's starting to curl! *Eeek!* She's so incredibly precious. I wish you could meet her. They even dressed her in a frilly pink shirt, so now she's actually starting to look like a girl. Before, her hair was so short and her clothes were so plain. That's why I thought she was a boy at first. I cuddled her in my lap today while she happily played with the toys.

*Note: I don't think I've mentioned this before, but the babies only get to play with the toys when we come to visit. These toys have been donated by ladies like us, and when we leave them unattended while we're gone, they somehow "disappear" and never return. Instead we just lock the toys up and bring them out when we come, so the children are ecstatic to play with them!

I kept playing with her new soft curly hair and wished she was my own child. I wish I could decorate her hair with beautiful pink bows and ribbons. I wish I could rock her in my arms to sleep whenever I wished. You see, when we hold the babies, the workers kindly remind us to please put the children down to play instead. We wait about 5 minutes, then we slowly bring them back into our laps until we're gently scolded once again. She started crying for no reason when she was on the floor at one point, so I figured she was tired and needed a snuggle. I bravely scooped her up and rocked her in my arms and smiled into her eyes until she quieted down. The workers didn't tell me to put her down, so I was extremely thankful for that small window of time we had together.

Proverbs 17:22 says: "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Laughing is good for the soul. I've read some articles in the past about how laughing causes endorphins to be released in the brain, which lowers stress levels, which in turn is good for long-term brain health. Even if we help these babies to giggle a few times a week, I feel like that somehow makes a difference, albeit even a small one.

One happy thing and two sad things. Happy thing: A little boy was supposedly adopted out to a local family recently (which is why, the workers told us, he wasn't there). Sad thing: A different little boy was dropped off at the baby house for the first time because his family can't afford him any longer. He still has siblings left at home. He was absolutely miserable with tears in his eyes. Second sad thing: There wasn't any meat or potatoes in the babies' food today. It was only rice, bread, and spices. I was horrified and angry. Somebody high-up is pocketing that "food money" for themselves. Oooooh I could justSCREAM! Next time I am bringing something healthy for the children to eat. (But I don't want them to keep pocketing that money because we're bringing food. I don't want to start that cycle. It's tricky...)

It's a never ending emotional roller-coaster ride when I go to the baby house. I'm not gonna lie, it's heartbreaking and difficult. But these children have changed me. They've changed they way I see life, my daughter, everything. When I look into their eyes, I see the ones who will be closest to Father in eternity. Those who unashamedly took advantage of them in this life will receive their due punishment. But I take heart knowing that Father, in time, will pour out His mercy and justice for these little ones. If not in this life, then in the next. Matthew 20:16 states: "So the last will be first, and the first will be last."

Will you please continue praying with us that adoption will open up in this country? One of my friends was denied the child she's been waiting so long for. Another friend is in the process hoping she will get a child. We are watching to see how this all unfolds, waiting, praying, and hoping the doors fling open wide for these precious angels to find their future families.

Baby K is growing up, and her biological family is missing out. I don't know their circumstances and I won't judge. But what I do know is that they are missing out on watching her grow into a beautiful princess. She is a daughter of the King, and she is loved.

Here are some pictures of the disabilities orphanage an hour outside of town. I can't take pictures of the baby house, but I thought these pictures from a different orphanage would still be good for you to see.

Hope you enjoyed hearing from our contact again! Please don't stop praying. As you can see there is still a lot of work to be done here. Thanks to all who have helped to make this possible. God bless!


-Lindsey